I'm not sure what to say or if I can really say it in a coherent order, but here goes:
It's been a crazy ride! I'm so grateful to have had this experience and have been given this opportunity by Dan and the universe. I could have stayed in Minnesota and surely had a rewarding life there, but to have the option to do something different before settling down felt right.
The first few months here were tough. I was unsure of my decision, especially in light of the difficulties finding a job. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with myself or how I felt about not striving towards some goal. I put the rubber to the road and really made a life for myself. I intensively studied Swedish, made friends with wild abandon, figured out the "system," and taught myself to cook and bake until Dan swore I was one of the best cooks he knew. This period, although difficult, tested my ability to adapt. Now I have the confidence that I can be reasonably happy anywhere, and that only I have the power to make that happen.
After about 7 months, in May, I got a job working as a personal care attendent (personlig assistent in Swedish) where I really got to know Lovisa, now one of my best friends. Getting this job made me feel ecstatic. My Swedish studying had paid off and I was finally earning my own money. In this period I learned a great deal about Swedish culture and I felt integrated. This was an accomplishment, but I continued to push myself on the job to speak Swedish in truly challenging situations.
Nonetheless I felt the need to work towards some greater academic goal and decided to study at Lund University beginning in September. I figured studying here "couldn't hurt" and would at least get me some pre-requisite credits I would need in the US when I would pursue my goal to be a therapist. The friendship and fun I found at Lund University smacked me over the head. I love my class there. They are a wonderful group of people and I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was part of a GROUP rather than a girl with a smattering of good friends in various disparate places. What a pleasant surprise.
But now it's time to go home. I want so deeply to be working directly on my goal to be a therapist and I want to be near my family. I have such mixed feelings about this move - deep sadness to leave the life I built here, to leave Dan, to leave our beloved cats here; and at the same time deep happiness to be in a place where I feel most truly myself and excitement for what my future holds.
Moving to and from Sweden both come with great sacrifice. Both times I am leaving behind places I love and people I adore. Both scare the crap out of me and make me feel desperately ungrounded. But underneath those feelings, both times I know that I am somehow making the right decision for myself.
Most of all, I feel gratitude. Thank you to the people who made this experience worth it. Without all of you, this would have been an empty year and a half. I can't list you all because you're too many - some of you are now best friends, some of you are acquaintances who gave me companionship when I most needed it, some of us have drifted apart, but no matter the circumstances I have love for all of you.
From this time here in Sweden I hope to remember my own ability to survive in new locations, how important friendship is to my happiness, and to keep a balanced perspective about different cultures. Finally, may I be back in good time to visit friends.
