Goodbye Sweden

This will in all likelihood be my last blog post here. In just a few hours, I am leaving Sweden and moving back to Madison, WI.

I'm not sure what to say or if I can really say it in a coherent order, but here goes:

It's been a crazy ride! I'm so grateful to have had this experience and have been given this opportunity by Dan and the universe. I could have stayed in Minnesota and surely had a rewarding life there, but to have the option to do something different before settling down felt right.

The first few months here were tough. I was unsure of my decision, especially in light of the difficulties finding a job. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with myself or how I felt about not striving towards some goal. I put the rubber to the road and really made a life for myself. I intensively studied Swedish, made friends with wild abandon, figured out the "system," and taught myself to cook and bake until Dan swore I was one of the best cooks he knew. This period, although difficult, tested my ability to adapt. Now I have the confidence that I can be reasonably happy anywhere, and that only I have the power to make that happen.

After about 7 months, in May, I got a job working as a personal care attendent (personlig assistent in Swedish) where I really got to know Lovisa, now one of my best friends. Getting this job made me feel ecstatic. My Swedish studying had paid off and I was finally earning my own money. In this period I learned a great deal about Swedish culture and I felt integrated. This was an accomplishment, but I continued to push myself on the job to speak Swedish in truly challenging situations.

Nonetheless I felt the need to work towards some greater academic goal and decided to study at Lund University beginning in September. I figured studying here "couldn't hurt" and would at least get me some pre-requisite credits I would need in the US when I would pursue my goal to be a therapist. The friendship and fun I found at Lund University smacked me over the head. I love my class there. They are a wonderful group of people and I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was part of a GROUP rather than a girl with a smattering of good friends in various disparate places. What a pleasant surprise.

But now it's time to go home. I want so deeply to be working directly on my goal to be a therapist and I want to be near my family. I have such mixed feelings about this move - deep sadness to leave the life I built here, to leave Dan, to leave our beloved cats here; and at the same time deep happiness to be in a place where I feel most truly myself and excitement for what my future holds.

Moving to and from Sweden both come with great sacrifice. Both times I am leaving behind places I love and people I adore. Both scare the crap out of me and make me feel desperately ungrounded. But underneath those feelings, both times I know that I am somehow making the right decision for myself.

Most of all, I feel gratitude. Thank you to the people who made this experience worth it. Without all of you, this would have been an empty year and a half. I can't list you all because you're too many - some of you are now best friends, some of you are acquaintances who gave me companionship when I most needed it, some of us have drifted apart, but no matter the circumstances I have love for all of you.

From this time here in Sweden I hope to remember my own ability to survive in new locations, how important friendship is to my happiness, and to keep a balanced perspective about different cultures. Finally, may I be back in good time to visit friends.

Guest Blogger

I was asked to be a contributor to a food blog! Here's my introduction post.

The Upside

Last week I had a night out at the nations in Lund (nations are for another post, but they're student clubs that are sort of like co-ed frats). I read the bus schedule wrong and at about 12:30 realized I was stranded in town without my bike and without any buses until 6am. I could of course walk, but alone as a female? And probably an hour+ to get home? No thanks. I broke down and got a taxi.

I got to talking with the driver, who said he had been living in Sweden for 12 years but was originally from Kosovo. I told him I was American and he said, "Ooh! I love Americans! Your country helped us so much during the war!" I told him I was surprised, that most people don't like us OR our country. He said absolutely not, he thinks Americans are the best! Halfway home, only 80 kronor later (about $12) he stopped the meter and gave me a 50% discount. WOW.

I tipped him generously, but for once there's an upside to being American!

Exciting!

Here's a fun announcement: Dan and I have chosen a wedding venue, a date, and have even made deposits! Our "save the date" cards will come out before Christmas. Get ready for an awesome wedding!

A few changes to the blog

Living in Sweden has become quite routine. How could it not? We've been here 10 months now, and the "one year" mark is looming large. I have bouts of homesickness, and sometimes I get a little shocked that I actually live here. That said, I want to expand my blog to cover some new topics since writing about just Sweden is kind of tough. I want to be able to blog about cooking and well, uhm, cooking. I've been working on creating a really healthy multi-grain waffle that might be interesting to tell you all about someday. I've also been on quite a fitness kick that might be interesting to talk about. So don't be shocked if I don't write just about Sweden from now on.

Full-time Student

I just finished my first week of school. It feels strange to be reading academic literature, studying in University lounges, and listening to lectures while taking notes. I enjoy it though. The structure suits me, I like knowing what is expected of me and knowing what is coming next.

So far it doesn't seem too difficult. Maybe I'll be eating my words later in the semester, but right now I don't have that crazy-overwhelmed-thisisn'tpossible feeling that I had during almost all of my undergraduate career. We have one course at a time, so while you have plenty to do, you're not juggling multiple syllabi at one time. The reading load is formidable - you have to sit down every day and work towards it, but if you're smart it's completely possible (unlike so many grad programs where people say the readings just cannot be done). It seems like there will be a group project every week, but I sincerely like my co-students (as Dan calls them) and I don't mind working with them.

At this point, I'm glad I made this decision. My closest friends tell me there aren't good and bad decisions, just decisions. But right now this feels like a good decision not just for my career and future but for my current activities. Ask me again when I'm writing another thesis and we'll see what the real verdict is!

Meet: Kodak and Kompis!

In May, Dan and I became parents to two cats - Kodak and Kompis. We adopted them from Katthjälpen in Malmö. They are 1.5 year-old brothers. Silly, crazy, and kind of naughty, they keep us very entertained.

Kompis

Colors: Black tabby with white paws and belly

Personality: Meow-y, hyper, super cute

Skills: Leaping high, could potentially catch birds

Bad habits: Chewing on expensive laptop cords, sleeping on the counter-top

Cuddle style: Under the blankets

Kodak

Colors: Browns and blacks, sort of a tortoise/tabby mix

Personality: Too cool to be pet, sweet at night

Skills: Chasing fake mice, running fast

Bad habits: Sleeping in the middle of the bed

Cuddle style: On my chest with his face in my face - I can't roll over!

The kitties with my Mom when she was visiting. They can smell any fish or meat you cook and they get very excited!